Spine held firm together,
Pressed against roof;
Star, a dim light in fog,
Extended his fingers;
Mischievous star,
Hid behind clouds;
A tear flowed,
Star, immaculately, came out;
Hollowness, steep,
Chasm, ever widening;
Sky, earlier an invitation,
Daunting, it felt;
Arm fell by side,
Under a star;
Abstained for so long,
Atlast, he gave up.
surely a lovely star coming up......if u keep writing like this..
ReplyDeleteStar, a dim light in fog,
ReplyDeleteExtended his fingers;
A tear flowed,
Star, immaculately, came out;
beautifully written puri...well i wud say very well use of words and emotions
ReplyDeletesent shivers down my spine...excellent
kuddos to ya
Bro!..Abandoning the traditional rhyming scheme and opting for romance with words, your poems are up to the pinnacle of modern spell...I am no one to define the scales but I do fido on your writings and I feel that you should write more.
ReplyDeleteSuggestion: Look out for some romance in rhyming scheme also.
Can you elaborate why your character in the poem gave up?...cos its just a part of manifesto...I want to hear the whole interesting story from you.
ReplyDeletePlease post your answer in comments column only.
Gave up? :)
ReplyDeleteUnderstandable.
I would suggest the same again, concentrate on the flow. Your poems will be nothing short of hypnotic then.
And I'm sorry. :)
hey! great composition...
ReplyDeleteawesome imaginations....each and every line reflects your artistic individuality n uniqueness....
I suggest you look for more music and rhythm in the words you chose....
Keep writing...I am certainly looking forward to your blog....
Way to go buddy!!!
hey shake
ReplyDeletethe imagery u hav tried to bring across is really beautiful but i found it a bit distorted... it is not completely in flow which might b due to ur missing rhyme scheme or sumthing else...
but the overall impact of this poem is picturesque and the adjectives used to describe a feeling are apt and interesting...
lovely poem
keep going...
cool...awesome thinking...really nice poems...keep it up...!!!
ReplyDelete